User Profile

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My mother was a feeble-minded descendent of Salazar Slytherin with webbed feet. My father was a pampered prince of provincial aristocracy with a penchant for buggery. They are both quite thankfully dead. I once had a Burmese cat, but it was insolent so I killed it with a ball of twine and a few hat pins. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicals. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... It's breathtaking, I highly suggest you try it.

Well alright, some of us didn't have the ideal youth. Some of us never had rich daddies to give us ponies and debutante balls and holidays in Majorca, unlike certain incompetent minions I shall not name, i.e. Lucius Malfoy. Self-centred, egotistical cunt. He thinks he's so fricken cool just because he has 11,593 MySpace friends. WELL. Some of us don't have the time to chat idly with thirteen year old girls. Yah! Some of us work for a living! Throw me a fricken bone here, people! Ruling the Underworld from my Secret Volcano Lair Filled With Liquid Hot Magma isn't always a walk in the fricken park.

He's not a natural blond, you know. He can't tie his own hair ribbons either. He gets his fricken wife to do it. AND he's afraid of the dark.

Don't mess with me. I'm one crazy mo-fo. I had to pop a cop 'cos he wasn't giving me my props in Oaktown. I'll show that smirking pimp cane carrying feather boa wearing bottle blond who's boss. We'll see how smug he is after a few years in the joint. That'll show 'im.